DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE THE OPINIONS OF SKARAB AND DO NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF QBI. SKARAB IS INSANE AND ALL OF THIS IS FALSE.
The Syndicate Unveiled!
My last report on NeoBASIC nearly got me killed. I will not bore you with the details of the botched anal electrocution plot. Instead, I will get straight to the point.
I met with a man calling himself Fransisco Hummerez last night in a bar near Lima, Peru. He told me he had very important information concerning NeoBASIC. I was worried about another assassination plan, so I had Majiko stand in the corner of the bar, ready to throw some big rocks at Hummerez.
What he told me was this:
1) The leader of the NeoBASIC syndicate is indeed Armada Granzalez.
The High Council consists of:
Cecil Granzalez, son of Armada
Chet Granzalez, son of Armada
Marcade, NeoBASIC king
Ahmed, Simply Qbasic "Founder"
Rancid, GeoShock programmer
Pete, Head of Pete's QB Site
2) Behind closed doors, they call themselves the Socialist Janitorial engineers, and conspiracy theorists everywhere continue to call them the Janitor. It has been learned that they have come together into a collective consciousness, and their combined brain masses almost equal that of an adult Japanese man. They operate as one, slowly gathering together their powers to one ultimate showdown with the rebels.
3) Several rebel forces have organized, such as: the TRASHERS, QbCommunity, ActiveQB, the qBloods, and a few sites masquerading as normal progger companies.
4) The Janitor regularly sacrifices hampsters and sings praises to the god Phartt. Their ultimate goal is to defame QuickBasic and elevate GW-BASIC as the compiler for the world, setting up a regime forcing everyone to code GW-BASIC in cramped cubicles.
5) The solution: Sacrifice your goods to the real god, Albatross. He especially likes (1) copies of Club magazine, (2) small, unmarked bills, (3) Game Genie manuals, and (4) Molded reproductive organs.
I hope this clears up any confusion about NeoBASIC. I suggest everyone stop being stubborn and give in to them...er...FIGHT! DOWN WITH NEOBASIC!