JTM
Interview with RedMage13: Is there a link between belly buttons and the American government?

Late in the evening I decided to log on to efnet and went to #quickbasic and found some interesting facts. I met RedMage13 who claimed that holes were being ripped in his shirts by his belly button after he had wore them for too long in summer. This seems be some sort of mystery because I can find no evidence that belly buttons turn bad when exposed to shirts that have been on for too long during summer. But after interviewing him I found that he may just be on to something much bigger than carnivorous belly buttons.
Latency to RedMage13ís computer was 10 seconds so donít expect to fully understand the conversation.

Session Start: Mon Jul 03 21:28:43 2000
[JTM] ok lets begin
[RedMage13] ack
[RedMage13] now?
[RedMage13] fine
[JTM] yeah now is fine
[RedMage13] [A Perfect Circle ý Judith] <0:11/4:02>
[RedMage13] hehe
[RedMage13] ok... what do you wanna know!?
[RedMage13] 'm drunkI!
[RedMage13] hehehe
[JTM] ok when did you start to notice that your shirts were... em being eaten by your belly button
[RedMage13] well, I've been wearing the same clothes all summer, and well, I was in a daze and about to pass out, when my head was falling down I caught a glimps of a hole in my shirt
[RedMage13] then
[JTM] go on
[RedMage13] the next day, I was wandering around town when I scrathed my scrotum... on the way I noticed people staring at me, so I looked down and my dirty clothes, and saw a hole!
[RedMage13] so I came to the conclusion that my belly button had eatin a hole in my shirt
[RedMage13] so I went home, check all of my shirts, and sure enough they were in the process
[RedMage13] recently, I have replaced them.
[JTM] and did this surprise you or was it just one of those common everyday things
[RedMage13] I stared for an hour or so, then someone bumped into me, and I shugged it off, and went on with my day
[RedMage13] I think those pentagon bastards have something to do with it
[JTM] Do you think that there is a possibility that it was hamsters doing these things to your clothing?
[JTM] Oh I see. so you believe it may be the government.
[RedMage13] hmmm, I do not have any hampsters, and don't know of any in my house...
[JTM] They are very good hiders.
[RedMage13] but, I think it was the pentagon's plan to take even more control of us, from the inside.
[RedMage13] yes, I once was being followed by a man in a black coat, he then took my wallet.
[JTM] Do you have any ambitions to take over the world or just maybe your neighbourhood?
[RedMage13] I believe he was a gov't agent
[RedMage13] well, I have a very good plan to take over the country, but I currently only have funds of $60 and that won't buy me the supplies..
[JTM] I see. So you have proof I presume.
[RedMage13] well
[RedMage13] I have no proof, he took my wallet.
[RedMage13] the camera lens in my glasses were off at the time
[JTM] Maybe a finger print or a fibre sample in your pocket?
[JTM] So you watch mission impossible a lot?
[RedMage13] I use those to stare at hot chicks that I can't have, due to a 'restraining order'
[RedMage13] no I don't... I think that was a bad movie
[RedMage13] they bad guys lost... didn't they?
[JTM] yes
[RedMage13] grr
[JTM] Did you consider that you may be psychotic and just cut a whole in your shirt and forgot?
[RedMage13] errr
[RedMage13] that's possible
[RedMage13] but.. I am convinced it was the gov't
[RedMage13] damn that clinton fool
[JTM] Tell me do you like cheese and other related dairy products more than the adverage person?
[RedMage13] yes...
[RedMage13] I like to eat whole blocks of cheese
[JTM] So you think it was him. Do you plan to take care of him?
[RedMage13] I want to purchase a cow and call her 'cheese' to make ceese
[RedMage13] well, no, he'll be out of office soon.
[JTM] Are you aware cheese needs specialized equipment to be processed?
[RedMage13] yes
[RedMage13] a cow
[RedMage13] as I said
[RedMage13] I am going to buy one
[JTM] So your funds of $60 are sufficient to aquire one?
[RedMage13] can you listen!?
[RedMage13] no...
[RedMage13] I'm going to take a loan from my mother
[RedMage13] do you work for the gov't?
[JTM] Does she seem to have an abnormal fetish for cheese?
[RedMage13] no
[RedMage13] but she's nice, and gives me what I want
[JTM] no I work for the qb inquirer
[RedMage13] hm
[RedMage13] are they a ov't branch no one knows of?
[RedMage13] excuse me, gov't
[JTM] no I dont beleive so
[RedMage13] ok, good
[JTM] So you have theories about the governments plot to stop you.
[RedMage13] yes, I notice a varity of everyday people who follow me
[RedMage13] I don't think they're normal
[RedMage13] I think the world is all based on me, and people all know me, and they are controled by some gov't type of source
[JTM] have you cataloged these people maybe you could send me some photographs on a secure email server
[RedMage13] yes, I could get you some photos
[RedMage13] I have many folders full
[JTM] I should be able to help you then
[RedMage13] neat.
[RedMage13] do you want to join the Dark Side?
[JTM] Not right now I still have some work to do
[JTM] So in conclusion what do you think is wrong with your belly button?
[RedMage13] well
[RedMage13] I don't know
[JTM] is this your final statment?
[RedMage13] I'm going to make a cut, and search for a device.
[JTM] I think that could be fatal
[JTM] By the way would you like to be tested for the qb gene?
[RedMage13] hmm
[RedMage13] yes

So there you have it. The ďgovítĒ as RedMage13 knows it is in fact plotting against him, but why and when will it stop? These questions might not be answered until we can see the results of the gene test on RedMage13.