Gates Trascends to god Status

Microsoft - We knew that the Microsoft employees were covertly working on some sort of new project. But the question arises: what was it, and who was involved?? Our question was answered on August 16th when so-called prophet Augor posted a seemingly cryptic, meaningless post on the NeoBASIC board. What caught my attention was his last words, a premonition: "Heed the warning of the Goats!" I re-read the post a few times and eventually saw through the feigned ignorance to the message underneath. Gates was coming.

Then it happened. On national television, at a press conference, Gates raised himself to god-level: When asked about the future of Microsoft, almost immediately some sort of celestial light shone around Gates as he lift himself into the air by simply willing it so. Witnesses reported "a sudden urge to bow down and worship him." On the other hand, Steve Jobs claims the event occured simply to spite him. He had filed charges, claiming Bill Gates is using his new-found powers to force consumers to buy Microsoft products. The supreme court was not fooled by Steve Jobs' wild accusations. They declared Microsoft innocent due to Gates' "glorious and majestic qualities" Gates then demanded sacrifice, and Jobs was the first to go.

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