8/18/00
Does coding encourage cannibalism?
Four weeks ago at QBI headquarters in Detroit, Michigan, USA, I was busy typing away on my keyboard, writing up an outline for an article about the side effects of LET, when a knock came at my office door. Matt Knight looked in and told me someone was outside and wanted to see me. Being a smart sort of fellow, I grabbed my rifle and camoflage clothes and went out. I was attacked by a gnome. He bit parts of my body off before I was able to stab him with the sharp end of a car bumper. I then feasted upon his raw corpse. His flesh tasted of cheap beer and aged marijuana. I enjoyed his eyes most, as I was able to see the grisly sights he saw in his pathetic life. His spirit battled mine for control of my mind, but I proved the stronger and I devoured his mortal soul with some cheerios. Small incidents like this have happened over the last few weeks; some with gnomes, some with ogres and giants. But then, just last week, I went out for a walk and saw the last inning of a 1st grade baseball game. Seeing a weak-looking boy trotting home alone, I kidnapped him. I took him home, skinned him, sacrificed his tiny corpse, then sauteed his liver with some mushrooms and onion powder. I intensely enjoyed his baby-fat soaked muscle fiber. After this night, I had to have more.
I gave up cannibalism about a year ago, and this had been my first bite of people meat since then. I ate not because of psychological problems, as many believe, for I am quite sane. I enjoy the taste. I quit because my taste was costing me alot of money in shipping, cleanup, and legal fees. I was a very responsible cannibal, compassionate even. I ate only already dead, well- cooked people.
Now what I am doing is surely illegal. I am fairly sure I could get in trouble for that whole murder part. I just can't stop eating people. They're so good. The good thing is, now I see that I am not alone. There are at least ten QB coders that I know of that are willing to go out cruising for meat with me. Does this disgust you? Are you so sure that you do not want to do the same? Take a look at that chunky little girl that you see, isn't she nice and pretty? See her thick, juicy thighs. Don't you just want to bite into her lean, tender legs and rip out the bloody stuff while growling and sptting? I don't see how anybody can't admit that they think these things. I am completely sane. Even if mother didn't think so. How dare she take me to the head doctor?! Oh, haha, she's already paid for her foul sin, oh yes... now she just sits there in the closet and stares at me with her empty eye sockets. She's sitting there scheming...yes, I know she's thinking about me, oh yes...right next to my last girlfriend. She reminded me of mother... maybe too much...that's why I cut her arms off. Alas, her ribs are cold and dry now...
-Skarab