an Interview with Wafn
June 27, 2001
by Skarab

lots of people alledgedly hate Wafn. i couldn't resist. and everyone knows i am the greatest interviewer on the planet.

[Skarab] are you in fact Wafn?
[Wafn] yes.

[Skarab] are you a programmer?
[Wafn] technically, I guess. I know the languages, I just don't do anything with them.

[Skarab] what are your favorite languages?
[Wafn] perl. quickbasic. .. perl.

[Skarab] how long have you been coding QB?
[Wafn] since late 1995, off and on

[Skarab] are you active in the "qb community" or the "qb scene" or whatever they call it?
[Wafn] you could say that I'm active in the underground qb scene, yeah. I try to stay away from the newbie-infested popular areas though. they scare me.

[Skarab] is neozones underground?
[Wafn] not anymore

[Skarab] what do you think of tek?
[Wafn] he used to host my page (and still does, now that I think about it), so I have to be nice about him. I'd say the same thing anyway, though - he's extremely helpful, but impossible to get ahold of.

[Skarab] what do you think of Nekrophidius?
[Wafn] as a programmer? he's got some great game ideas, and the knowledge to make them come to fruitation. as a person? we've had too many fights for me to be able to answer that honestly.

[Skarab] so you've been flinging crap?
[Wafn] yep.

[Skarab] do you think the crap hurts a sensitive person like him more than it hurts you?
[Wafn] perhaps, at first, but he's pretty resilient and forgiving. I tend to hold grudges, whereas he often says 'water under the bridge' to me. I dunno.

[Skarab] do you think he'd have a hard time washing the crap out of his hair, or wiping it off that part of the back it's impossible to reach?
[Wafn] that kinda depends on whether or not his wife is scared to help

[Skarab] which way do you wipe? front to back or back to front?
[Wafn] front to back.

[Skarab] do you check the paper to make sure you're clean?
[Wafn] no - though I sometimes check my fingers to make sure it didn't get there

[Skarab] do you smell them? and how do blind people know when they're clean?
[Wafn] no, I don't smell them, I have a lot of faith in my eyesight. as to how blind people know.. I'd say they just take a shower right away, and hope everything is nice and tidy afterwards.

[Skarab] let's say i smell my fingers and get some on the tip of my nose, should i take the time to wash it off?
[Wafn] it would probably be better for other people, but if you don't mind it, you shouldn't let the judgement of others force you to do something you don't want to.

[Skarab] do you think it's important to, in the shower, scrub between the cheeks? and is it conceited and self-centered to wash the tip of your nose after you get poop on it?
[Wafn] sure. paper can never get everything, especially if you're hair in that area. and no, it is not conceited to wash poop from your nose, simply better for your eyes.
[Wafn] I get annoyed when I see things on my nose that shouldn't be there.
[Wafn] unless you think poop should be there..

[Skarab] would you tell Nekrophidius if he had crap on the tip of his nose, or would you laugh in private?
[Wafn] I'd probably laugh to myself, then gesture to my nose every few minutes to give him hints. I don't think I'd tell him outright though.

[Skarab] to save him embarassment?
[Wafn] to keep my lunch in my body long enough that I can have my own poop.

[Skarab] thank you for your exhilarating interview, i am deeply grateful. your presence is downright exfoliating.
[Wafn] who ARE you.

[Skarab] my wrists are bleeding