To determine if all programmers were horney at heart, we went under cover a month ago, on June 13th (when no one would KNOW about this newspaper), as a simplistic newbie in #quickbasic. Some lines have been edited due to the fact that Shea started a conversation pertaining to faxing and various other things.

Metaphorically, everything that we made the newbie say, had to do with a mans genitalia being inserted into the woman's pompee doodle. The newbie alias, commenced his assignment by asking how to do graphics. Necrolyte, a semi highly respected individual of the QB scene, offered his services.

[newB] like i was wondering how you made a big long line on the screen
[Necrolyte] mm
[Necrolyte] well
[Necrolyte] try this
[Necrolyte] SCREEN 13
[Necrolyte] LINE (0,0)-(319,199), 1

It was then that our under cover agent continued with his assignment, thus follows:

[newB] how do you make the line, thick?
[Necrolyte] mm
[Necrolyte] you dont
[Necrolyte] it's always 1 pixel wide
[Necrolyte] unless you write a custom line routine
[newB] then can you make a big thick line?
[TEJ] yes
[TEJ] of course
[Necrolyte] if you write the code correct


[newB] can you make a circle in qb too?
[TEJ] i think so
[Necrolyte] CIRCLE (centerx, centery), radius, col

Then as the metaphor continued...

[newB] like can you make the graphics near each other, can you like make the line go into the circle?
[Necrolyte] newB: yes
[newB] can they be close?
[Necrolyte] newB: they can be on top of each other.

Our sources concluded, that Necrolyte, though seemingly catching on, wasn't REALLY catching on. He was so pathetically clueless. It's sad how clueless our sources said he was. They were like, "Man, he was so clueless" and stuff.

[newB] can you make the big thick line go into the round wide and strong circle?

Necrolyte responded by the following:

[PH34R-] newBie: yes
[PH34R-] you can
[newB] good, cause i like them close
[Necrolyte] you can draw them on TOP of each other
[PH34R-] you can draw them wherever you want
[PH34R-] (within the screen boundries, that is)

The duo, still unaware of the immaturity being set foot, may initialize a brief but petty cry of laughter now. Necrolyte left, and the newbie was left to deal with TEJ.

[newB] can you like animate the line, like, can you make it getting bigger until it hits the circle?
[PH34R-] that's more complicated, but yes
[PH34R-] you can

[newB] how do you make the big thick line move into the big strong circle?
[PH34R-] that'd take a few lines of code. Maybe out of your experience?
[newB] oh, I have a lot of experience with moving the line repeatedly into the circle.

We find that PH34R finally catches on with the following ill-forgotten statements.

[newB] can i make two big bulging round circles under the big thick line?
[PH34R-] .n.ew.B..:. yes
[PH34R-] it's all a matter of code
[newB] can I put my big thick line into your momma's big strong circle?
[PH34R-] .n.ew.B..:. stfu

And so concludes this little demonstration that programmers have a nasty mind if clues are thwarted enough.